Akemashite omedetou!

Yupe! Its officially 2012! Despite of all the high ups and low downs of 2011, I've grown up so much in term of resistant towards hardships. This is juz a part of the hardship that may come in the near future. I definitely will not have a slight idea on how to deal w all of it, but I know I'll get through w it sumhow. Resolution of 2012- screw resolution, I juz want everything in it's place.perfectly!!

2o11 was wrapped up at a place where lots of memories were made. Pd. Bagan. N yes Langkawi. As I step on the langkawi jetty, it did felt as if I was back home. Nothing much have change. I took a pledge on the island. To forgone 2o11. N I did! But once I came back here, Everything were restored back to it's own slot of memory. I guess it won't go nowhere. *sigh* I wanna stay there. Jauh dr orng. Laut. Pantai. Matahari. Back to basic :)

Another year is coming.

Yes. As per the entry's title, in 3days time we'll put a step on 2012. 2011 was a mess. A HUGE mess. Be it on life, jobs, goals, dreams, etc. It was full of memories that were painstakingly hurtful yet sugar coated well with a fake smile. I wasted a year. 2011. I didn't grow. I didn't move a bit. I didn't make a step. it was a year where I wish I cud erase from my memory. oh boy, i wish i cud. I did everything. I achieved wut I wanted yet it was empty n I needed more. Manusia. Xpernah puas. *gelakkan diri seniri* i covered almost all of my things- i- swear- i- wont-b-able-to-do list, the sense of accomplishment was juz in a blink of an eye. the next thing i know, im back to square me.

positive happenings did happen in 2011. eg:

1)i was the happiest a couple of months in early 2011.

2)1st job yg x mcm job sgt

3) increment secare tibe2

4) awesome new adek beradeks :) syg korng!

5) i graduated w flying colours! officially can call myself a MBA graduates.

6) i get through mecha scary obs. *mecha is a word which is used by japanese to describe a situation that is extremely extreme*

7) i learn LOTTTTS of things. sgt bnyk. from the basic of banking till the shouting-out-ur-throat to either hit the bid n offer side in Forex trading. which i never thought of learning about before.

8) i learn that shutting ur mouth wont move u a step. i.e marah je la kalo nak marah,

9) i met new frenz who defines perfectly how small a world really is.

10) i went to countless number of concerts. *dreams come true*

11) i sky track-ed *impossible me became possible*

12) wall- climbed *wut have i turned myself into?*

13) i managed to keep my own self exactly happy as the people in himym. *dun bother im addicted to this series of 5 bunch of people who cudnt let go of each other despite of everything that had happened between them. how lovely.*

14) oh at last, i can buy my own stuff sesuka haty. hahaha. :D

15) i purposely agreed w mak tam to get a hot bod like nicole sherzinger.

this long list can last forever. i did lot of things juz to keep myself bz n not thinking. in fact i dont think at all nowadays. i do what i want n i make sure i get what i want.

the negative happening: i dun really want to mention here. let juz say, this particular thing did taught me a LOT on my own attitude. i dun feel any pain at all when im w u, it was always a good memory to reminisces n im grateful for that. in a way i've become a better person now :)

apart from all the major happenings, im thankful for it but still, i seriously wish for 2010. A year where I won't forget every single thing in it. A year where major big steps were taken. I was out of my boundaries n I'm proud w who I am back then in that particular year. I hope that 2012 will be another 2010 for me. Where I was totally me. Not a gal who pretended to b what everybody else wants me to be. not sumone who is pathetic as i am at the moment. and yes definitely not sumone who can be pushed away sesuka haty. Aku kecik aty sgt dgn 2011. tu je. sbb xnk pertahankan wut is suppose to be tahan. i guess i must grow with it now. nak make it up sgt! but the damage has been done. Oyasuminasai.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

orange!

awwww. my so called kembaq couzin is engaged!

congratz sayang!!!

so as expected, as her e-day came to the end, pak lang made a joke about mine.

that next, is so gonna be the bank's manager turn i.e. my turn.

ikut haty, i wud love to reply, "pak lang, i need a new haty 1st. buy me a stone heart. i'll marry anybody at instant! kawen lelaju pon den sanggop. gittew"

but instead, i laughed at the joke and said, "ikut turn. x aci potong queue".

she was so gorgeous. happiness shone out of the both darah manis-es's faces.

as usual camwhores of the day, the main actress and the main actress :p

well, hope they'll have the best out of their lives. as for me, i'll be juz me.

there's a longg wayy to go. im old enuff but im not there yet.

let me pay back to my tangkai haty 1st before i start to screw my heart again.

which i dun think exist any longer.

Big big biiiiiiig smile

xD

Sumhow I'm back to me. n I hope dis will last forever. oyasuminasai seSYG.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

.bogoshippo.

oh wowww~~ wut a relaxing sundayyy. woke up almost noon. lepak dpn tv. out to gym teman mak tam. did groceries shopping.went back home. laid back w himym till the last epi of season 3.

so as usual, ive learnt another term. trust issue.

according to ted mosby:

"its okayh for u to hv a trust issue but hey its a no no if it leads u to find for a reasons for things to fall apart. deal w it. nobody is perfect"

huhuhuhu.

oh yeah i got another good one.

"revert to go":

when u unconsciously will revert back to who u r in the past whenever u r with sumone from that particular past!

interesting! i.e u are a different person now but when u meet ur high school mates, u shut ur mouth and pretend that u r a wall.

or u were so uncontrollably loud only when u r with ur SYGs!

dush! hamek kaw sedas! ouch betol! -.- makin sentap plak an makin da beribu episod tgk.

oke. cut that off. when i was tidying up my stuffs in my room, i found a letter. yes. the one that i wrote 8 months ago. that particular letter that i scribbled inside a tent, alone in a freakin dark jungle of lumut. yes baby, my solo camp letter. zzzzzzz. i knew wut i wrote dat nite. dat is y when i received the letter weeks ago, i dun hv any intention to open it, left it inside my drawer. coz i know it'll be another round of heartbroken once i open it up. all my dreams, my hopes, and my plans for the future is inside there! all the things that is sooo not gonna happen anymore. since apparently, i havent got any chance to make things work or to explain myself to make all the things that i wrote inside there to actually be possible! so yes dear solo camp letter, u r staying where u are now quietly till who knows when.

oh one more thing. these days, im able to go out whenever i want. compared to those days, when people will actually frown when they know that im from local, today im free as a bird. of course within a certain boundaries. those days, i wud normally says no to any invitation for an unplan hangout, but now when everything is a yes, no one is available. **Sigh**

i envy her the most coz she got everything in the world. TT.TT

im saying hi eh assalamualaikum to Islamic banking tomorrow onwards! gudluck zaty! n pls its just a job. to live is actually more important than anything else in the world *yess. im going crazy. no i am crazy* :)

mood: boring

lagu: yesung- it has to b u

platinum rule.

attraction, bargaining, submission, purks, tipping point, purgatory, fallout, and coexistence. these are the ninth steps of the platinum rule- never ever, ever ever love thy neighbour. -.-! this is a new thing. x ptt wujud. i mean at least we shud give it a try. well most people wud prolly ended up to the ninth step but hey there's pair who make it till the end. screw platinum im staying with the gold rule. **over dose how i met ur mother sgt! s3e11 :p **

ive heard so much of wut i didnt expected at all today. im so full of it as if i wanna puke all of them outta my brain. inspite of everything that ive been told today, i still cant find the answer. ntahla.suke2 aty je nak decide utk orng. give it a try 1st. jgn nak buat statement sgt! kalo nak usaha lah. ni baru jentik sikit dah terus angkat tgn, come on. u r better than that! who r u again? do i know u? i know work is important but have a life. seriously. we age! people age! makin tua bukan makin muda. so live it to the fullest. who knows if tomorrow ever come. speaking of work- i shud enjoy this forth weeks since its my forte. tp boleyh kn nak wat dek je? tawar aty sume bende.

so im sick for almost a week now. demam. baek. p meroyan tgok pitbull tgh2 hujan lebat. demam again. baik the next day. las menet plan w the girls tekinja2 tepekik melolong tgk donghae. now im back to mr fever. senang nye kan? antibodi dah xde. zzzzzzz malas pikir ape2. otak sy bukan utk fikir. lg fikir sume bende x wat. kalo fikir mesti x pegi MOA td. kalo fikir time rina meroyan text pg td msti bengong lg. kalo fikir mesti x jd seme bende. kalo fikir mesti x layan stage crew td mesti x dpt tpt beteduh time hujan. i had enuff! sbb fikir sy diam. sbb fikir sy x ckp pape. sbb fikir jgk sy bukan saye. sbb fikir jugak sy bengong lg. sbb fikir jugak sy lepas seme. so here's the thing. im turning over a new leaf on certain parts. my life. but not the heart obviously. let it stays where it wants atm :)

p/s: n my post recently cudnt be more unstructured. juz like me. im unstructured. i am.

mood: spontaneously spontaneous!

Back 2 u

*oke. Ini entry merungut. Warning sesiap*
Nadiah:"u sape ha? I x knal la u. Rmbut pendek ni buat u tgi sgt. X balance. N suddenly u nak buat sume bende. Ddk kejap pon x boleh. "

Zati: diam.

It has been months yet I'm not over it. Tu je. Hah da jwb. Lembzzzz. As if everywhere, anywhere, wutever, is still the same. rite now atm I shud hv been reminiscing memories since the story had ended months ago, yet I sumhow hallucinate things I.e when I walk, talk, work or wutever, evry FREAKIN things that I do, that is around me, it felt like the story never ended. I thought I'm done w it. I accept everything, who am I to argue faith. But hey y did I see u like 24/7? I've lost kilos, I've lost my voice, I've lost appetite, I've lost me, myself. I dun even know who am I any longer. Hey who the hell is she? Screw her I need another round of jabs. Best rupenye tumbok orng :)

doushitte?

guess what? i shud be writing up a report yet im updating this blog. screw report write up. i rather watch teddy mosby than finishing up the report. dis is wut u do when u have nothing to work on. *well if the report and the presentation doesnt counts*

im fine. seriously. inspite of the bleeerrrgh-wutever feeling everyday at work, im ok. when they told me that we have to attend the- ceo- wud- like- to -get- to- know- u -people- better luncheon session, it doesn't hype me at all. pepape je lah. lunch je lah. present je lah. exam je lah. wutever. there u go. aak? *pergh statement!*



laughter! mcm da lame x gelak seikhlas haty. :( excitement! i need that too! i need maturity. like seriously. i need strategic thinking and i need to work my brain out! hah! c'mon. orng ptt bersyukur. x de keje. dduk lepak gaji masok. no wonder rich people dont goyang kaki. now i know y! but hey, jgn merungut. oke u might merungut skali dua, but pelis la zaty always look down to those who r unfortunate instead of looking up and learn to be thankful for everything.

seoul garden is so sedap!

Alhamdulillah for all the rezeki.

there's people outside there who doesnt know wut seoul garden is n of course how tasteful it is!

so from my goyang kaki today, id watched the whole epi from season 2 of how i met ur mother. 1 epi simply touches me. episode 12- first time in new york. well apparently, im not the only one who actually take time to say those three words. i might have said it to numbers of people casually but to actually say it to one particular person is such a big step. coz i never did. oke i lied. i did once but nvm. for me it means the whole world. like robin wud mumbled everytime she thinks she cud reply it back to ted, i always did the same too. but the scenario here is that ted understands bout it, n he doesnt mind waiting coz he loves her. juz as simple as that. and at last she did it. w whole her heart she loves him. every single things takes time. especially for first timer. we take time to grow. we take time to get to know each other and accept flaws. we also take time to develop. and yes we do take time to change our routine. we need time for everything. yet time is limited. so yes im spending my free time for some lompat2 coz i need one. so 2pm im ready to PUT MY HANDS UP! n to travel to planet pit. :D alrite enuff w the rambling, im continuing to the next epi.

u had opened up a new horizon for me, n im thankful for that.

Aita kata? Aitaiyo~ :s

Oh. This came across my mind.

There's a girl.

1o years back she was almost muted. She didn't talk much.

She isolated herself from the whole world. not that she did it on purpose. she was raised as a quiet girl.

5 years later. She was still the same girl. But the only dffrnce was dis time round she started to open her eyes.she challenged herself beyond everyone's imagination.

3 years later. She got everything in her life. EVERYTHING dat a gurl cud ever ask for. The world was nothing to her. She nailed her steps. She was at her best. even though she didn't look as great as herself today. Yet she was at her happiest. spontaneously spontaneous at the right time. nothing cud break her through. she was FANTASTIC!

Today. She is still at her best. Instead she was in ahead of everybody else. Yet her inner self was back to 10 years ago. She dun hv to isolates herself yet she feels like one. There is a great wall in front of her. She juz lOok at it w no motivation to start climbing it. as if her willpower that she used to possessed 2 years back never exist. Wud cud possibly went wrong? That's a BIG q! not juz to herself but to everyone around her.

Oke bnyk sgt la she she. Tido lah!

u taught me all the important things.

sum said that, when a girl decided to change her look, she's changing sumthing in her life. do i?

from u taught me all the important things *taisetsu wutevericantrememberthewholetitle:p

natsumi: *warded for a risk of miscarriage* "i dun know to decide whether i want the baby or not. im tired".

doctor: "when u came here to see hikari previously, u were so strong".

natsumi: "that was because... i was still with shuuji. because of shuuji, i was able to be strong.now that im alone, i was so weak that... i even surprise myself"

weird ne? when u think that u r strong by urself but the truth is u were stronger when u have sumone there beside u all the time. when u think that u were good by all urself but actually when there was sumone else to share everything w u, u were awesome! :) thats a fact n thats life.

Taisetsu na koto wa subete kimi ga oshiete kureta

Heyya! :p

Guess what? Yesterday when I reached home after work, I slept till midnite n woke up w a grumpy stomach. But still i was so sleepy dat I didn't ate anything and went back to lala land. B4 dis I always skip my dinner n I'm fine w it. But hey to my surprise, I woke up dis morning w a motion sickness. As if I was on a boat.

Mama was worried like hell. Yet I insisted on going to the office. I told her not to worry much, I'll take half day once I'm done w my presentation. Once I reached menara Affin, i was told dat the meeting is postpone. So yeah I got myself an MC n I'm bedridden 4 the whole day.

Never had I thought dat I'll get this sort of sickness. Dehydration. Smpai pengsan. Pathetic la zaty niiiiii. -.- Nasib baik sesayangs dtg umah. n rs mcm da oke sikit so we went out to mali's n now I'm revived. But still lembik lg. so dearest take gud care of urself. Mkn bnyk2. Dun skip ur meals. :D Due to this, I hv no idea if I'm able to kick box again this weekend. Deymn it!

Oke. Stop rambling. Me need a bed now.

I wanna go back, do u? :'(

gidarilke

hey,

look at this.

the last part doesnt seems right

yes every women want to be a man's last love.

but it'll b the world to be the 1st man of her life's last love.

:(

nuff said. i thought i cud be one of the above. but it turn out that im not.

life cud hv been better. it shud!

even though each morning u r stuck in a bad traffic jam,

clocked in late into the office,

piled up with works on the table

or worse- piled up with nothing to do xcpt staring at the ceiling

and cursing how boring ur job has been

the needs to b xtra cautious just to utter a word to ur colleague

to stuck in a bad traffic jam again odw back home

or being trampled in the monorail everyday.

all these happening are nothing once u r happy w ur life.

n to b happy is not an easy job.

especially when u were once on top of the world after climbing out so hard from the darkness n now u r back into it slowly.

im not myself n i know it

Shiawasen :)

So it's 11.11.11. And people are practically hype over the date. Well a date is a date. Such a nice date is gud to crave a memorable moments of one's life. When I glanced at the calendar today, I saw a note for 12.11. 11. Then it hits me. I seriously had wasted so much time that I didn't realize it has been a year.

I remember that exactly on this date last year, we, insanely insane people, went for a 6hours of singing- our- heart out session. :D juz to celebrate khai no tanjoubi. Apart from to lepas rindu to each other. That was a great one. I was sick but who cares, I wanna go n hve fun n I glad I did! So yes. Happy birthday again abng long! Sile encem2 jd lg bahek :)

U know, people always come n go, but the memories remain. That's the saying. But as according to zati's saying *hehe :p * people always come into ur life yet the persons who remains till the end through ups n downs, through LMAO times n PMS moments are the one who u shud appreciate. They may go but they'll come back for the awesomely awesome memories they've been through w u. Silaturrahim x elok putus2. :)

Okie dokie. Dah bejanggut rs ddk kt lobby ni tgu mak datin. Tc sygS! ;D

hontou no jibun wo miushinaikaketeiru

today. am back to work after a not-long-enough break of eid adha.

back in dat damn bored mortgage department. doin nothing.

but today ive learned a lot. on relationship n stuffs! *see dis is how u occupied every minute of ur boring life- rambling*

a fren was having a prob w her girl. dis and dat, cut it short. we found out dat his girl is sumhow is similar to me. of course not the look coz she's waaay too cute to compare to me at the 1st place.i mean perangai. from all of this, sumhow i got wut ive been looking for after the downs.

i admit. im the kind of girl who love to potray herself as a strong-hearted girl to every guy that ive met. i shud be hardcore. *of course physically not the other part eheh* as if im always okayh. there always a positive side of everything. i NEVER look at things negatively. let juz say, my gf, she doesnt reply to me, i wud definitely wud not think that she hates me, but instead she prolly is busy with her workloads or she needs sum time to be alone n she'll come back for sure. i hate to think on the dark side. well if she doesnt comes back after such a looong time, i know there's sumthing wrong.

well this might not be the same to her. she might thinks that im ignoring her, totally taking things for granted. so the result of our so-called impromptu meeting today was communication.

ckp la sume bende. ckp jeeeeee. bia la orng nak marah or wut. sakit kan je haty orng. jerit je la sesuka haty. at least that one side will know ur side of story. n things wud come in handy if it'll ever happen again. :)

im a noob. so i dun chipped in much today. who am i to sebok2 kan. juz let the faith works its charm. there's always sumthing good in everything. Allah x kan bg dugaan kalo bukan nak menguji hambanya. igt smpai maty. but still if things can be work out. sort it. jgn bia mcm tu je. ape pon x dpt. if we truly want sumthing or someone we work for it. hasil x dtg begolek. serupe la itu MLM! ddk2 duit masok peluh setitik x kua. BUT! ade but ok. if it involve sumone, it takes two to tango. cubelah tango sorng2 kalo nk jd badut. life must go on. with everything remains im still surviving. oke bye! off to bed. oyasuminasai from me n kiiro! :p XX

yes. mistake is to be forgiven. lesson is to be learnt.

trust wont ever be the same. but all the memories created ties everything back together.

mama pesan: once everything goyah the only thing that cud gam us back r the memories.

i guess ours wasnt strong enuff. dat it doesnt seems like i lekat within u a bit pon even if u were like a gam gajah inside here.

blergh blergh blergh wutever!

nae maeume yeongwonhi

aci x kalo ckp rindoo them sgt? i mean i miss studying! sape x kn? one of my friend even blurted out that he regretted for not spending most of his time w us. too late to regret. x elok kan na nyesal2.spend mooore time w us today if u had time k? its time to move forward. with everything remains the same of course! :D

those days. w those people. everything is on impulse. suke atyyy je. kne hentam after that is not a question as long as we're happy w it. childish kan? but hey only children knows how to have fun! :D

today. we're still the same. in a way. ehemm. *x nk komen sgt* one or two of them are getting hitched. *rase tua jap* congratz to them. n hopefully they'll live a good life till the hereafter. *prays* n as for me, no plans. im just enjoying wutever is in front of me. thats better i guess. hope is not a choice anymore. coz once i hope i'll hoped hard (oke ini perkataan drpd dictionary zaty version 18) n it'll get harder if my crystal ball of hopes shatters. x snggop.

seriously. ini betol.

oke bai. wish me luck for HP meeting esok! aaja! :D

du beon dasi nan deu nugudo saranghal suneun eobseul kkeoya

convocation omedetou!

awwww omedetou sesayangs. mood konvo x abes lagi.

16.10.11 marks another history in my life. it was the day which i had received my MBA scroll after 1 n a half year of wonderful moments. frankly, at first i was pretending not to think at all about the day. seriously, haty telampau leteyh nak crite konvo2 nih. malas. a year full w ups :D and down T.T since last october. the ups was seriously great but the down were painstakingly hurtful. wadeber!

until the day itself. dressed w my new turquoise kebaya,a step into fep, it strikes me straight away. how much i'll b missing the place. after almost 5 years in upm im now off for good. nak smbung lg? insya Allah. upm lg? x kot. nnt menung je keje. terigt2. bek x yah. but who knows faith might be the other way round. oh yeah thanx to pak lang n mak lang sggop dtg jauh2 semate2 na layan kegehedikan sy. ngee~

the next day, was the climax of all. we went out for a photo shoot session throughout the whole campus. lg saayu. diam je mule2. mamai lg plak. kne bahan lg. ;_; all the feeling mixed up. nak lempang orng ade. nak pelok orng pon ade. nak membebel pon ade. sume lah! but it was lethargically fun! that particular day did pumped up my adrenaline to do it all over again. :p

yeah i know i didnt talk much coz i dun feel like doing it. but that doesnt mean i didnt enjoy the shoot. da kalo dasar kaki pose, x de makne nye lah tanak enjoy an. sgt suuke! mesti gelak seko2 mcm orng gile kalo terigt mcm2 hal.

CONCLUSION:I LOVE U GUYS N GIRLS SGT! sy doakan korng yg bahek2 je in everything!

N THE SCROLL IS DEDICATED SPECIALLY FOR OTHMANS!

nota kaki:

i used to hope for another story for my convocation. love. flowers. oh and sum smile dat cudnt be taken off the whole day. pictures together. selca together. hands. winks. jokes. and laughter. i had built up hopes. waaaaaaaaaaaay to high. to the level where i wish that i'll b seeing my picture w whoever this might concern in the same convocation pose as mama and abah had one hung up in their bedroom even after 40 years from now . yeah i know. im much of a sentimental when it comes to particulars of a lifetime event. thats how i appreciate things. but even though it had turned out the other way round. it was blissful enuff and filled w lotsa of love for me to cherish for life. the end.

tomodachis peng you.

caption: kesayangans smpai maty. :)

oh yah. ini adelah umum. xde kaitan dgn sape2. terase? hmm sape suruh!

tomodachis. friends. the most treasured persons in my life.

ever heard of a friend who is called as friends for benefit?

ckuplah sekali terkena.

cerite 1. never had i thought of becoming a friend to sumone juz for the sake to be close to a man. we went out. we did almost everything. i was demn sincere. oh leppen gak dea nih. that is how ive thought of u. then out of sudden u shutted down n i was blame for not talking to ya today. lets get this straight, i did everything dat i cud to reached u b4, but today i dun even know u. sedeyh.

silaturrahim putus mcm tu je. bedosa. wut is sinner than dat? tibe2 ade cerite. u've said sumthing like dis to sumone.'dea tu kwn dgn saye sbb nk dkt xxxx je'. i dun even knew him b4 i knew u kot. ok. its a thanx to u. wo u we wont know each other. we wont.... tp crite dah tamat. now u have him all to urself. mls nak ckp bnyak.

cerita 2. lpas da l8 bulan x jupe. x penah contact. contact bile diperlukan. i.e memerlukan bantuan na siapkan assignment, ty khabar berite x pon, direct trus nak sample. x pon. jom ah geng dea nih, papehal dea bleyh tlng. x pon canni weyh jomm! ko tawu kan tpt tu? aih kalo aku x tawu ko mmg x pena na ty. saba la haty ku. lepas 2 nak tarik2 muke la bile x nk tolong. hah tarik la ko smpai lantai pon. gth!

entry nih utk sume orng yg suke sgt nak ty x berenti2, wut happens between us that i dun even wanna touch on her anymore. dah cukop. u r still my fren but to be that close like we used to, u dun even want it anymore so y shud i bother.

neowa na ajik saranghajanha

heyya lovelies! ;D

so there goes september waving us a goodbye. n yess hello there dear october.

it is fast. i mean thunder lightning fast! when i was bz doing basically nothing, there goes another month passing by in a blink. dat means i must say goodbye to all the lovely people in ss2. :(

but hey, in this tech world, keeping in touch shudnt be a prob i say, so till we meet again babes!

apart from dat, dis october marks a year since im done w mba. dis month is the time for us to wear the regalia! :D convocation comes again! it seems like juz yesterday when i was jubilantly, playing around, w all of my sayangs. i was me when im with them. n i cudnt be blessed more for having them in my life :D losing them wud mean losing half of my life. *overr x?* dun lemme start on losing my other half. that will juz erm erm mengundang hujan je dlm bilik nih. but hey, im left w half dah pon so nvm.

dear Allah, im leaving it all to u. :) since all my dreams seems to fade awayh rite now. wut ive plan, is no longer applicable. i plan too much. i shall stop dat now. as i say to budak kechik, let faith guides us the way. atm we shud live at the fullest n make sure dat wut we r doing today we'll do it the best that we can. if its not what we want, time will fix dat, insya' Allah. ganbatte! ^.^v

oyeah. next week. a hello to jln ipoh people.

much much amore,

zati

xxxx

no matter how long, how fast time passes by,

i can only look at u using the same heart lens of mine.

beat me. strangle me. leave me. u'll stay the same deep down there.

left w this shattered pieces of heart, im still living.

n that is enuff 4 me.

:)

hiding my heart away

its been awhile. n yes im still hiding my heart away.

cop. i think i left it sumwhere instead o hiding it.

but hey its faith n i dun wanna question that.

n im juz hoping for the best in everything.

as things are getting better these days, alhamdullillah for that.

i shud become a better person too. Insya Allah.

readers, juz enjoy wut life is offering u today

coz we dunno if tomorrow will ever come.

:D

much love,

-zati-

xxxx

tajok: mntak lempang.

bits by bits i tried yet u never move even a tiny steps within my heart.

loveable.

so its been awhile. nothing much w me. working was fun. new place. new people. young n vibrant people. best la sng ckp. usually, it wasnt easy for me to fit into new places n environment. frankly speaking imma bit choosy in everything! I mean EVERYTHING! Be it, shoes, clothes, gadget, etc. oh n friends too. especially when it comes to the one.

so yes im glad that im currently attached to ss2 :) n im blissful for having all my sayangs around me whenever i need them. its no longer 'look im so cool so u gotta be as cool as me to b w me' or 'hey i hve an ipad, do u?' stage. its juz about having people next to u, support u when u r down n most importantly u dun even care to take into heart on their flaws.

so people, whoever actually reads this. do take good care of ur love ones. n juz enjoy life at ur utmost! *Peace* xD

eid mubarak :D

us wo another 6 big families :p
yupe. this is only 3 families of hj ahmad's

weeeeehuuuu~ *dush*

so its RAYA! :D mcm2 da jd. mcm2 da wat. dis year raya most of the time was spent lazing around in the house. x pegy raye sgt since everybody came to ours. belemak2 la lg haih. 

oleh sbb x raye mane2, maka aktiviti laen la jwbnye. memancing, melawat mall, plus membuli kanak2. oh n melayan ottomens yg da pandai ckp mengire. hehe

the only difference is that my cuty was shortened compared to previous year. deymn. da xde can wa na peponteng! grrr~

1st raya for baby hadziq! 

mestilah 2 ekor ottomen byk ckp nih :D

 oh yeah! lpas sesuka aty lupe diri tekan kete abng esan 160km/h back to kl, dpt berite gembire.
congratz to budak mao for being accepted to pursue his master in japan. we're so proud of u. dreams come true eh? *jeles laju2* tp x pe boleyh melancong2 lpas nih :p

as for me, i'll draw a starting line tomorrow. let see if i'll get wut busy really means. either i can cope w it or not. a challenge to self. to start over everything. to build up everything back. *sigh* thus i shall go off to bed. hype me puh leeze! i need a purpose to go on w this. b4 i dun need any coz i have my own goal. but ever since couple of months ago, ive lost interest in anything. n that applies to foods, money, or anyone. but hey

owh. i guess its not that late for me to wish HAPPY EID sesayangs sume! maaf zahir batin. for all the wrongdoings or heartbreakingly acts of mine, w intention or unintentionally had scratched ur heart. im random. n i speak for wut i think n wut i believed. but if its ever menjengkelkan anda *coz i always did that* juz baling jauh2 k? i seek for forgiveness 4 that. people who knows me well wud never took it to their heart or else they wud hv spitted it right to my face. n i dun mind that at all. we spit towards each other. LOL. yes i sincerely forgive everything as well. as i know every single things happens for a reason. coz im not that perfect myself either. for being me, i always look up for good things n enjoy everything wo thinking of the risk of failure. i hate failure n if it does happen, its so my fault for not taking good care of it. so people! 0-0 oke? 

geds! :p

*::*juz like yesteryear, raya or not, im thinking of the same thing*::*

the end of half a year.

oke i know. i messed up my layout again. stupid html code. header burung murai yg mntak kne tembak nih agk gedik. wutever.

weeehuuu~ ari nih cuty.

oke im suppose to be diggin' into a tower of slides but yeah who cares? :p

so FSTEP is ending~ *oke not totally* but it has been 6 months since february n thats mean we r so goin into our respective FIs at last! the past 6 months was a bless! duduk diam2 main2 n we got pay for it! heaven kan? :)

so to all FSTEPians good luck dearest sume.

its time to shine. katenye! :p

tp sebelom tu..... exam dlu. deymn. speaking of exams, the notes r less, the needs to memorize all of it is definitely less but the laziness is absolutely greater than b4. seriously malas. *tp na hapdet belog gile ni rajin pulak!* :p

btw mereka nih gile! xD tp sy syg mereka laju2 *facepalm*

oke bubbye! :D

*::*haih la haty nak raye ni jgn nak gedik terigt. byk mnde laen lg*::*

Weehuu~
✗ saba nak weekend. ✗ saba nk raya.
✗ saba nk sume :p
I'm full of excitement 4 everything.
Screw wutever. All the crap in 2011 r history.
Ramadhan sure was a bless. A month where all the doa r said to b mustajab. I'm thnkful for whoever I am today. n for whoever i'll bcome next is all in His hands. We do all the planning yet if it was not meant for us thats just it.

What I've learned today is that every single thing has its timing. Either its now or later. Patience is the virtue. Just live wutever is lay for u n enjoy it. For the time being, in this holy month, may only the gud b w us. :)
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

moooooooooooooves like jaggers :p

*errgh puase puase puase* OMG HE SOOOOO HOT!

im fully awake n its 3am.

=..=

ya, i know. ddk bwh seko2 maen game. blog hopping. tgk tv3.

;p

at this moment. dis surrounding. being home. on the couch. in front of this tv reminds me of las year ramadhan. tiap mlm tadapat tido, 1 umah layan tv 3 mcm macik2 telepas drama siang hari oleh itu harus catch up paagi2 buta sambil makan jajan. kutuk dpn muke lalu betepuk tampa *yg nih suke sgt* :D

the only diffrnt is i hv no jajan w me now.

n of course, im alone. ckp dgn sofa so good la.

*::*kejap sgt da 11th day :( *::*

needs n wants.

i shud b sleeping now instead of doing this. but im super awake since im done w tarawikh 4 tonite. n arnold kwan is in my class tomorrow. im so dead if i sleep a wink 2morrow. plus im not ready w the products to be develop.*major gulp-ing* besok la pikir nih. hahaha.

rite now im having some sort of mid life crisis over here! naah im not that old but..... *choke herself*

ive been thinking of these lately:

1)torch 2/ bold touch- a new phone

2) a tablet pc

3)a brand new car

4) a new home

5)blaja lg setingkat

so as a normal person wud do, i shall segregate these into needs n wants:

need: no. 5

wants: the rest on the list =..="""""""""""

hahaha mampos!

ergh x nk duet byk2. mcm nk splurge on wants je. *im so screwed kan?*

haa ni la dea da kalo xde mende na wat sgt. mende x ptt dipatutkan.

oyeah, i thought i'll be having another 2 weeks of classroom training. apparently, im left w another week to go b4 raya! b4 i went back to hq. yeaaaaaaaayyy!! :D

speaking about raya, i may need to buy a baju raya jugak. deymn! pembaziran! *yg item no 1-4 tu x membazir la?* :p

*::*i heard dat bank staff will rceive 30% increment of salary nex year! alhamdulillah 4 that!

so, meh panjangkan lagy list wants 2, hahaha*::*

baby, baby, baby :p

gosh! freakin freakin insomnia! n its on weekend.

wut is more pathetic than that?

=..='''''''''''

oyeah a scene in grey's anatomy jus hit me;

where lil grey saw sloan carrying his new born baby gal

lil grey: can i ask u a q?

yang: bring it!

lil grey: wut is it about guys w babies that makes women go crazy? i mean its like when u r at a park n u r seeing a guy w a puppy n normally u wont even notice the guy. but then he's laughing, n the puppy crawling all over him n he's tickling the puppy, lil puppy's belly n u r thinking- i wont mind spending the rest of my life w that guy. WUT IS THAT? *pointing at sloan*

yang:everyone is looking at the baby n no one is looking at mark. except u!

haahaha. tekene batang idong dowh. dis is also the reason y i'd fall for ehem whoever. juz by holding a random cute lil girl in a shopping mall. seriously, mule2 xde hal pon. tp lpas insiden tu *kire2 dkt 2 thun lpas, smgt waja lg bru start mba* i was hooked. by crook. HARD! until now, the image is still inside me, my heart precisely. ala mcm cite2 dlm tv tu, yg kalo nak flashback, mmg dpn mate je nmpak insiden tu. orng tue2 ckp- jgn benci sgt, jgn nak meluat sgt nnt syok jgk bru tawu. yep. tssk. sy mmg da tekene. n smpai sekarang x meluat lgsung dah. buat la ape pon mcm da kne jampi. pape la kan. dah na smbung blik. 1 more epi 2 go n im done! :D yeaay!

conclusion: i shall avoid guys holding, playing, tickling or even mention of kids.

haa ni la dea contoh subjek yg mengugat keimanan pmpn2 yg x brapa nak betol mcm sy neh. da kalo duk uma pon nk berpolo bagai :*

*::*makin hari makin perempuan!*::*

public speaker? buek~

teheee *wave2*

bosan oke tade keje.

so yeah blog je la kan mampoo. merepek bagai. nyet2~

oyeah assessment td :)

msok je kelas:

khai: yeaay zati!

zati: yeaaayyy! *pusing tgok semerang* wah! romford sume dlm nih! :D

zetty: mcm romford blik da! yahoo! :D

zati: eh min, u sorng je dpt tajuk tu!

min: tu laaa. da la yg pling pndek.

bile smpai turn sniri:

tajuk- attachment *deymn!*

min:gelak kan i lg.

zati:loncat2 ta bg signal dgn wedges 2 inch sbb tension

hahaha trus beterabur ckp. tp boleyh la. wutever. da lpas pon.

maknenye tggl lg 2 mgu! yeay! lpas nih siap la kaw!

takot! nervous! sume la!

so sempena kegembiraan sbb da abes assessment *pdhal ade lg kot lpas nih* ;s

mari menghapelod gamba :)

*he's cool. kaki x nk mcm patah plak kan!* =..='

*tajuk gamba: bengong sbb xdpt ikan bakaq istana*

*er er er * :p

*::*ramadhan happens once a year, so grab the chance, do good deeds, coz u dun know if u're here for the next ramadhan. tp bukan ms ramadhan je oke? :) (note to self)*::*

No Air

im doom for tomorrow assessment. like seriously.

i didnt discover anything.

my mind is too *&%^$$ to even bluff for the script.

i was thinking of sumthin else, be it during the show, or the csr or the attachment.

now at this point of time, im trying to make good points out of these 3 things.

no thanx for being in miss kim's class, the xpctation from tomorrow's assessment cud not be any higher

Ya Rabbi, tlg sy esk :S

pls cpt la raye, cause i cant wait to wrap things up.

i'll miss all the moments but im not in for it anymore.

orng kalo da meluat ckp ape pon x gune kot.

buat baek mcm mane pon da kalo meluat mmg x ke mane.

n that applies to everything. so jgn na meluat2 sgt la.

cause the future is not in our hand, but the planning is. so start planning n try ur best!

ganbatte minna! :)

things are at the simplest since the past 6 months. im thankful for that. n im looking forward for more. let alone the heart. coz apparently i dun hv hearts anymore. abah, im deymn serious. im flying no matter what. coz being here, is no longer interesting.

run. run. run 4 u.

Gaaaaah~~ na pgsan jap na pgsan jap.

*bedebuk jatoh*

oke. jgn na over sgt la zaty.

haaaaa ni la dea, da kalo c pacik kazuya nih perm rmbut

hape pon da x nmpk kan? :p

Gankuna na PRIDE
Harikiresou na VOICE
Renzokushita TENSION ni shintsuumenaide
Hi no noboranai asa wa nai Yume miru koto yamenai
Hontou no CHALLENGE ga ima kono basho de Koko de hajimaru
RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN FOR YOU
RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
Kotoba mo naku da Hashirinukereba itsukatadonari tsukerudarou

yupe. run 4 u. run 4 ur life.

indeed its true.

wutever the fuck is happening in ur life u still need to keep goin on

there's more to life.

there's more.

the sun wont stop rising, same goes to us.

since im home, half of me is back to the old zaty.

as she was more pathetic than she is today. i shud refrain that!

im good as who i am now n im gonna be better.

*Wah statement!* :p

so saye pon kne run jgak laju2~ ^^

half alive. n heartless but who cares? as long as im running.

jom pakat2 lari! hihi

oyeah, its ramadhan again. ahlan wasahlan :)

may it helps us to become a better person.

haaa ni la dea. hari mkn sepuas2.

on that plate is wut fattens u, but the same fat also did a great job as a stabilizer of a miserable life.

كل رمضان و انتوا بخييييييييييير و ان شاء الله الله يتقبل منكم و منا صالح الاعمال ^^

frivolous much?

i cant believe this. lawak pon ade.

today i got scolded by my sayangness 4 not being mad at all.

the thing is im not. i dont.not at all. seriously.

ive been called stoopid. na wat camane sy mmg stoopid bab2 nih.

i admit that.

for being a noob in a rship. sy x penah becinte oke? mmg lembab la kan. x tawu sane sni.

but it was a good lesson to take note of. i dun hv the right to judge people.

n im still holding to that despite o everything.

i dun hv the right to point out to anybody instead o myself.

i put the blame on me. dah sng.

they hv their own reason for doing wutever they wanted to do, or to cut the knot.

i respect that. n for that reason its up to ur own thinking to interpret things.

juz dun assume. pls. juz dun. as it is the mother to all fuck ups!

plz clarify. but if it cant be help, or refusal of clarification happens, nothing can be done la.

sume da besa. da pandai. blaja smpai lg setingkat je. boleyh beza kot orng na main2 ke hape. boleyh beza kot gurau2 or serious. as there's more to life, this is too frivolous to start a fight.

dah tu je. *peaaace*

:)

karma sure knows how to do its work

peringatan utk dri sniri:

dun ever blame others. n pls dun anticipate for bad happenings. once u did that, all the actions wont come out good as u know it wont. u choose it to be that way. nobody wish for bad things in between. so we try our best to avoid it.

now, at this particular entry, im relieved! relief for all the things that is meant for me. relief for everything. alhamdulillah for that. lapang dada kan? :) im gonna stop the planning. cancel everything out n juz enjoy wuts life had to offers me. and at the same time, im thinking of fulfilling abah's dream. *eh bru ckp x nk plan?* naaah. coz it is the best for me.

i dun lose anything. xde ape pon. xperience was a good teacher. w/o everything that had happened i wont had learnt anything. now i know everything is within ur ownself. n now i know wut is best for me. thanx for everything. ini ikhlas. nobody is perfect. i may want people sees me as perfect b4. but wut is perfect if u r suffering inside rite? xde gune. no one is perfect. pegang ni sampai maty. and pelis zaty jgn besa kepala sgt. nak hbt2 sgt pon ade lg raaamai lua sane yg lg hbt. hbt mane pon kaw zaty, xde gune kalo sume orng lari. hve some dignity oke. yupe, money is important but wut is more important is to be able to live a good life, loved by everyone around yet be a good servant of HIM :D

*::* may only all the good n success b w u wherever u r, doa saye utk awk smpai bile2*::*

Calar~

Oke. Ini entry sedeyh. Dah tapayah bace weyh.
It was supposed to b a blast. It was supposed to end up w a smile. But here I am. Outside. Alone. No idea y am here.

Never had I ever in my life broke into tears in front of anybody. I don't do that. I never did that. I have some sort of dignity to do that. As if I was the strongest girl on earth. But today, I can't help it. Juz by a question from my gfs today, right after we were out from the mcD, "kau oke kok ti?" I looked at her, n yeah I cried. Screw anybody passing by. I juz cried. I thought I was over it. But I guess am not.
I love u so much that I can't open my mouth but juz to stare at u. Betol, bak kate emir td, I dun want anybody else but her. Juz her. N that is how I feel. Juz u. Yeah u. N I'm officially lembik n stoopid. If it was meant to b dis way. Ya Allah, now I leave it up to u. Coz I hv no idea at all. Coz being a 1st timer in a r/ship, I seriously don't know anything at all. Skarang sy na idop saje. Bye.


Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

blah.

this is wut happened when u lose ur mind.

i had swore b4 not to ever straighten ma hair.

but i guess, when ur heart is not straight enuff~ u straighten ur hair instead!

initially, i was thinking of pulling a rihanna- super- sleek- straight- bob's hairstyle, but the hairstylist refused to cut it short. syg katenye. hermm.

wutever.

now i look like a twin to budak kechik!

i dun care.

im fat. she's not.

tapayah twin sgt lah! :D

hp7 here i come!

Bloody orange!

So this is wut I get once I reached home after work today. My bloody orange dress! *oke saye taw blkng tu besepah, so abaikan pls. * Hihi. Omg. PoplOok really did sent this within a day. Laju! :D im turning girlish each day. Wonder y? *tanda2 penuaan lg ke?* ouch!

Nvm. Another 2 days 2 go. Nex wk is super hectic. W rat race, bnm projct, plus nazir razak is coming too. N yeah it'll b ramadhan in a blink. N I'm missing u even more. Dis is wut people call madness. Even when u know its stoopid, its not worth it yet u juz dun wanna accept things! Kpala hotak ✗ function. Haty tapayah ckp la.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

fix me

"u get in a relationship for better or for worse. this is the worse part.

the thing is there will be better parts. u shud go back,"

- grey to yang

"thats wut u shud be feeling, i took it all out for u. so u can be pissed w me, or at me. i dun care coz im going to stay through it all. im not goin anywhere christina. im not goin anywhere w/o u!"

-owen to yang

"yang: wud u love me if i wasnt a surgeon? owen: i wud love u if u were a plumber"

-oke. ni sweet gile

well said. n thats how i am atm.

im paralyzed. n i cant move.

the only one who has the tools to fix me is u.

oke bye.

july the 18th

awww~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDAK!

syg kaw ketat2 la!

dem she's 20! my bb is now an adult!

how old can i possibly go?

sobs!

im getting weirder each day.

my eyes are swollen from who knows wut.

i dun sleep much these days.

insomniac ke? sort of.

n i dun eat much due to the lazyness too.

sgt lemaw n bosan!

im tired of fixing me.

from now on i pledge that never will i be a crybaby anymore!

i wasnt one b4~ n i shud not be 1 too.

the thing is outta control

if sumone doesnt want to

who r u to make it work.

spill everything out,

share every second of ur life w them

even if it was everything for u

but when it was only u who's been trying,

it'll juz....herm.

it takes two to tango

n its truth

yupe. its freakin true.

i dun mind learning tango again.

im here.

if i ever come across ur mind.

juz as u always do in mine.

dah bye!

lovely sistas

pose betajok- mane sotong tepong saye! ish! :p

hermm. dis weekend was juz another lepaking story.

full w unplanned xtvties.

the initial plan was: hp7. tido.mkn.n tidooooooo the whole weekend

but it turned out to: screw-harry-potter-i-need-the-beach-NOW! trip!

while we were on the road to watch the movie w the tix in hand,

i told the girls that senate's meeting result was out.

within a blink, they grabbed my baby b4 screeaaaaming out loud out of happiness that their name was in the convocation list!

n only when they were back to the state of conciousness again,

they realized that i actually drove the car to bagan instead!

:p

but yeah it was awesome! we ate like we havent eaten anything for thousand years.

strolled (or actually rolled) by the beach side till the next day.

the story doesnt end there.

the next day, jus as i finished my "nih yg aku suke duk sni ni, xde na jupe sape2" sntence,

kak siti was behind me!

:p there u go, a small reunion out of the blue.

kak liza: eh, makin chantek la awk.

kak siti: orng tgh bahagia nih

*oke ini tipoo sgt! sbb saye mcm meroyan adela*

:''(

that i went to cut my longest ever curly hair.

x pena kalo curl pnjang2 mcm tu.

dah xde sbb na simpan.

rs mcm na nanes je ms amoi tu potong

comel kan diorang? :p

when i was missing u so bad,

the time doesnt stop ticking,

so does my heart,

n i despise that.

the fact that LOTS r happening out there,

yet it feels like nothing.

n i despise that too!

when u dun even bother,

n im still a mess over here,

juz by missing u

yes. i despise that!